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Dear Anna (name changed to protect the not-so-innocent),
I am trying my best to let you go, not that I have a choice since you have already both divorced and replaced me. Regardless, you continue to maintain an undeserved and large part of my heart, my soul, and my thoughts. It has been an incredibly difficult journey for me over the last 8 months since you moved out for the 2nd time in 1.5 years. The deceitful nature in which you have proceeded warrants your inclusion in the Narcissists Hall of Fame. Every time I feel like you can’t do something more harmful or underhanded, you shock me yet again. I suspect that you have no idea what I am referring to since you have never done anything to another person that they didn’t deserve, so let me enlighten you on a few bullet points:
- You have shown no remorse or self-blame since quickly and unexpectedly deciding to move out (after I tried everything to get you to stay)
- You have indicated no loving actions, not one, despite communicating an “undying and never-ending” love for me just a few weeks before moving out
- Like turning off a light switch, you went from telling me multiple times a day that you loved me to never, ever saying it again
- Without warning and well before filing for divorce (which you said you weren’t going to do), you abruptly stopped wearing your wedding ring and removed every photo of me/us in your possession. In your world, “we” simply ceased to exist (if we ever did in your mind)
- You lied to me multiple times that you weren’t moving ahead with the divorce simply to coerce me into buying you more things and paying more of your debts
- The day after you filed for divorce (and didn’t tell me), you treated me as though I was the best friend you ever had, leading me to believe there was a chance for reconciliation (with you knowing full well there wasn’t)
- You chose to inform me that you filed for divorce a few days later in a public place that was special to us even after I asked you not to humiliate me in public when I sensed some kind of bad news was forthcoming
- You got angry with me when I retained an attorney (after you filed), as if I was supposed to simply give in to your every demand, that you were simply entitled to whatever you wanted and I was simply there to fulfill your every need without consideration
- You secretly obtained financial documents behind my back and presented them in a formal meeting with attorneys as if I were some kind of enemy. Your businesslike and uncaring attitude, even after I told you that I loved you in front of everyone present, was so truly touching
- Recently telling me you were “so sorry” for how lonely I must feel based not on caring about me but rather on your having to be alone and feeling lonely yourself due to your daughter and her friends leaving you behind on spring break (and you thinking you were one of them), only to find out that you already had replaced me and were fishing to see if I knew about that because a mutual friend had seen you together
This is just a listing of the obvious things that have occurred. What you cannot see is the ugly impact your unilateral decisions have had on my dignity, my lifestyle, my routines, my happiness, my sleep, my appetite, my joy, my finances, and just about every other aspect of my life. Things and places that I thought were important to us (and are to me) will now be off-limits due to how special they were. Cities, parks, sporting venues, restaurants, and many other things will forever remind me of you and happier times. That you just don’t care is hard for me to accept given that over the last several years you have painted me as your soul mate, the one that fixed all of your life’s problems. It was an effort that I took very seriously, did my absolute best at, and you simply minimized it and threw it in the trash can.
Strangely, I continue to have some kind of feelings for you, although I am not exactly sure what they are. I miss the things that we did together and all of the memories that we made, but I DO NOT miss the negativity that you projected onto me. I don’t miss the impending bottom dropping out as that has become my reality. The struggle now is in letting you go, accepting that you never were what you portrayed yourself to be, that NO ONE will ever be good enough for you, and that husbands number 5, 6, 7 and who knows what number will ultimately be slammed to the ground just like I have been. How I could continue to love someone so evil will remain one of life’s greatest mysteries.
I have to let you go now. It is not something that I want, but it is the hand that I have been dealt (by YOU). Please don’t try to return (although I know that you will at some point given that new supplies only last so long and I have ALWAYS been here for you). I cannot subject myself to this level of anguish again (and I am aware it is something that you thrive on, that you actually enjoy). As difficult as it is going to be for me, I MUST STOP loving you, caring for you, and wanting you back (which to a normal person are all good things). One day, you will reap what you sow, and it is going to be a rough day indeed. I will continue to pray for you and hope that God can reach you before it is too late. I also pray for the others that will be cast to the side in the future just like I was.
I will miss you. Farewell…
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